A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara.
Now the disclaimer: this novel is also the most depressing thing I've ever read and I can't recommend it lightly. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it. It was just so intense that you'd need to be in a certain mood to read it and then take the time to process it all when you're done. It's a bittersweet story that unflinchingly confronts you: your fear that you're lacking purpose and meaning in this life outside of your work, the hopelessness one experiences in mental illness, the helplessness of aging, and the dual nature of love's sickening vulnerability and ability to heal.
I'm haunted by 720 pages of the most beautiful prose and heartsick now that it's ended. I have never been so haunted by a book where I had to put the book down because it was too much. But then I couldn't eat or sleep without thinking about Jude's pain, JB's frustration, Willem's yearning, Malcolm's ambition, Andy's regret, Harold's heartbreak... so back to the book I went. Off again, on again, drawn to this terrible but beautiful story.
This is a book I imagine will stay with me forever and I'm conflicted between wanting to read certain passages over and over but also wanting to never read it again. Have you ever read anything so intense that it stayed with you? So branded into your mind with a searing intensity that you could never read it for the rest of your life but will still feel the imprint it left on you? This is one of those books.
The writing is as painfully honest, brutally relatable, raw, and dark. It is bleak and spoke to the heart of my own depression and trauma. Perhaps the more well-adjusted readers out there will scoff at this tale of damaged individuals and belittle it as "tragedy porn" but I have never read a book that so deeply left an impact on me.
Each character is well-formed and distinct from each other. The change in POV and nonlinear sequence of events and memories slowly release a trickle of fear that everything is going to go wrong, right after you're so invested and want the best for everyone. There were moments in the book where I told Em (fellow book blogger) that I wanted to shout "It's too much! Surely, humans can't be this terrible! Surely, fate can't be this cruel!" but then I think of all the damaged people in the world and the damage we carry ourselves and all of this hits too close to home. There are monsters out there. We're monsters to each other, because we've been hurt and know little else.
Please give me something happy now to read. I could use a laugh.
“Heartsick” is the perfect word to describe the feeling after finishing this book. It’s a powerful piece of writing, to be sure, but it’s also a powerful exercise in empathy, too. It stands head and shoulders above the other books I read that year.
ReplyDeleteAnd I’ve had a dickens of a time as a bookseller with this book -- Because I want everybody who reads serious literary fiction to read it, but I also need to make sure that they read it at the right time.
100% agree that it is a powerful exercise in empathy - I felt worn out!
DeleteBest book so early in the year. that is bold but I trust it. Even if I am VERY daunted by your description and am going to need to figure out the right time.
ReplyDeleteMaybe hold off reading this until autumn - this isn't a light summer read and you have to be in a certain mood to read this one. If you do read this later, I would definitely like to talk about it with you!
Delete