Etude no. 8: Forgiveness

I am non-confrontational.  I would rather feel betrayed, walk out, compose myself, and then walk back in as if nothing happened rather than discussing what needs to be resolved at hand.  I know that it's not healthy, because no matter how much I say that "I've let it go", I know it's not true at all.  The bitterness may be gone, but I still feel a twinge of discomfort when I remember what's happened.  "Forgive and forget" is what they say, so if I haven't forgotten, doesn't it mean that I haven't forgiven?

I don't want to have to raise my voice, or work things out, or rehash emotional injuries when it's taken all my strength to cover things up.  I don't want to lose my composure - it's unbecoming.  I don't want to be weepy - it's disgusting.    So where does this leave me?  In limbo, where I sweep the dirt under the rug and wait it out?  Wouldn't it be even worse the next time I have to lift the rug again to sweep some more and I am reminded of the dirt from before?

I may be a Christian, but I still struggle with knowing how to forgive and work things out...

Father, give me Your Love so that I have the strength to work on my relationships.